It's so clear now... the meaning of giving

Note that I am posting this with only minimal proofreading.  I felt it was important to get it posted today.  I will, at some point, make some corrections....  or maybe not.  Maybe it needs to be left as-is... raw with emotion. 

Several months ago, my brother, Jay, passed away after suffering a cardiac arrest and brain death.  Once it was determined that he was no longer really with us, the organ donation process was started, per his wishes.  When all was in place, we would remove him from life support, let him go, and send our prayers with each of his donations, wanting the recipients to lead a full and rewarding life as a result of his gift.   It was an odd feeling...  we were heartbroken to lose our son, brother, father, grandfather, and uncle but satisfied that he could  still bestow these gifts upon those that needed them.

Of course, I understood the organ donation process....  someone donates their stuff and someone else gets the stuff.  Sounds simple, right?   What I didn't understand was what it takes to give gifts of this magnitude....  and what it is to receive them.

I won't lie.  The donation process was long, uncomfortable, and well, awful.   I felt I had ran through every ounce of emotional energy to get to the point of making the decision to let Jay go.  By the end of the donation process, I was not sure I could go through it again...  or if I wanted to donate my organs and put my loved ones through the process even though I was fully conscious of the fact that those that received the benefit of Jay's organs and tissues had been far more uncomfortable for far longer than I.  

The benefits of Jay's donations were realized almost immediately.  We were advised that his kidneys were successfully gifted to two gentlemen the very next day and that they were doing well.  Yes, I felt some gratification.  We were told the remaining tissue would be treated and stored until it was needed and could help many individuals, including burn victims.

But the process still sucked.   It seemed like we had been in limbo forever as we waited to make the decision to let Jay go and for the donation process.   It went through my mind that we could quit...  back out...  I wanted it over...  I knew we wouldn't...  I knew we couldn't... but it didn't stop the desperate thoughts.

It seemed that for months, my thoughts of my last moments with Jay were related to the donation process.  I was a little resentful this uncomfortable process replaced the memories I wanted to hold on to from those last hours with him.   As they say, time heals all and I learned to move those memories around and focus on the ones I wanted to remember.  The sharp edges of the donation process softened and my life moved forward.  I had no idea that this would all come back to me with such a velocity that my world would be forever changed.

My husband, a retired firefighter, has suffered with the traditional problems of long-time firemen:  bad knees, bad back, and bad shoulders.  Each year, his range of motion was decreasing and his pain was increasing. 

His right shoulder was repaired a number of years ago without incident and it was time to repair the left shoulder.  However, complications popped up. 

While three of the ligaments could be repaired, the ligament that runs along the top of the shoulder and is attached to the ball was so damaged, and had been damaged so long, that repair was impossible.  Years ago, the only option for this type of situation would be full shoulder replacement.   Shoulder replacement was complicated, possibly a short term solution, and required a long recovery period.

Fortunately, advancements in modern medicine included development of a consistently successful grafting of a two sections of tendons.  Cool!!!   Let's do it.


This morning, we prepared for surgery, arriving timely at the surgical center and feeling like we knew the routine since we had done this before.

This afternoon, my husband received a section of dermis, specifically a section of tendon, from a donor.  This donor section was grafted to the damaged end of his tendon and the surgeon was able to rebuild the attachment to the ball of the shoulder.

I hadn't even considered how a section of tendon would just magically appear at the end of the surgeon's scalpel to be grafted to my husband's tendon.  I am sure they mentioned it at some point..... didn't they?  Then I considered it.  And that's when it struck me....

An organ donor.

This evening, my husband is home, in his recliner,  looking forward to being able to use his shoulder again.

An organ donor.

Someone passed away and their family waited patiently, and probably uncomfortably, while the process was initiated and completed.... and their efforts helped my husband. 

Did that someone's family also pray that the recipient of the tissue would lead a full and rewarding life with their gift?

While I waited for the surgery to be completed, I further contemplated the lives involved in this exchange.   I could have looked at it as just a surgery.  No, I couldn't.  Perhaps prior to my brother's death I could, but things seemed different to me now.  When had they changed?  Maybe my brother's final gift to me was an awakening... an appreciation of the things I could so easily take for granted...  or not even notice.

Of course, the donor's information is private and protected but I knew they must have wanted to help others by giving what they could no longer use.  They gave to enrich the lives of others...   they gave to people they did not know.  They gave regardless of color, sexual orientation, or religion.   They gave everything they had.   They couldn't give more.    They had to be a good person...  how could they not?

I considered my husband.... a good man....  a fireman.   A man who chose a career that required him to risk himself to help others.   He helped others without knowing their name, their age, or if they likes artichokes.  He let kids wear his helmet, offered help on the side of the highway, and pulled a Great Dane and her puppies from a burning building.  He was a man who was viewed as a hero but wanted nothing more than to never, EVER hear another alarm.  He was a man who continued on, knowing his knees and back and shoulders were being destroyed.

Ok, so we have a tissue donor and a recipient.  But it seems more than that.  There is a circle here somehow...    someone helped someone who helped someone.

Perhaps I am feeling that this particular circle is more personal than it really is.  Perhaps it only matters that I am grateful for the two parts of the circle that is in my line of sight:  the fireman... and for the donor...  two people who gave so much... two people that most likely never met.... but two people who gave as much as they could.

Perhaps I would like to believe that, on some cosmic level, I can see this circle in its entirety.  A fireman helped the donor.  The donor helped a fireman.

It could have so many names:
Karma...
Paying it forward...
Kismet.... 
Fate...
Luck...

Doesn't really matter, I guess.  The important thing is that I now understand about the giving of what can not be bought... and the receiving of what can not be sold.   I want to be part of this wonderful cycle... No.  I want to be part of many of them....  now and forever.

To the family of the donor...   thank you...  and I understand.

What is YOUR poopie wearing for Easter?

Daisy modeling something from our spring line.

Daisy is a beautiful big-boned girl

weighing about 100# and wears a LG.

EFFECTIVE 4/11/17, ITEMS WILL NO LONGER BE SENT IN TIME FOR EASTER but will continue to be available while supplies last. 

We are all out shopping for our traditional Easter bonnets..... well, maybe not.

Sadly, I think the days of Easter bonnets are pretty much over.  I don't look great in hats but LOVE seeing others wearing their Spring bonnets!!  Its a tradition that I enjoy.  Don't you just love seeing little girls in their bonnets? And the elderly women...  they wear them with such panache!

I do think most shop for something for Easter, or Easter dinner, or at least for spring.  

My question is: what is your dog (or poopie as I call them) wearing for Easter?  Nothing?  How fair is that?

My faux vests for the poopies have been so popular that I have decided to offer them to you!!  And they even have a faux pocket for their watch !!

I know a lot of people do not dress their furbabies but even an "undressed" dog can look cool.

Sorry I don't have anything for the girls yet...  maybe soon!!

For a contribution amount of your choosing to the Jay Barton Memorial Fund*, I will mail your poopie vest in plenty of time for your dog's Easter dress-up.  This offer will expire in 7 calendar days (to ensure receipt by Easter) but may expire without notice, however, all completed transactions will be honored. 

Here is how it works:

1.  Choose a vest from the photos in this posting, based on size and preference.   Vests are made of a durable wash and dry polyester non-ravel fabric with a Velcro closure and is NOT intended to be used to restrain. 

Please be aware that the vest should NOT be left unattended as the adorable "bone" button(s) may create a choking hazard to children or dogs. 

2.  Visit any Wells Fargo branch and deposit your contribution into the Jay Barton Memorial Fund*, account # 9703925777, nicknamed For the Kids.  Remember that you choose the amount of your contribution.  Save your transaction receipt.
 
Contributions may be made by check or cash at any branch or via remote banking if you are a WF customer. 

3.  Email your contribution transaction #, along with your name, address, and the vest you desire to me by clicking on this link or jax2127@msn.com.  The transaction number can be found near the middle of your receipt, just above the date.  

The number of each style available is noted behind its code.  Please list first and second choice.  If no second choice is noted and your chosen style has been depleted, you will receive another style of my choosing in the appropriate size.  Note there are TWO photos of size MEDIUM.

4.  I will verify your transaction number and mail your very special vest within 48 hours of your contribution.  I will also update the posting photos based on supplies.  Sorry we cannot ship outside the 48 contiguous states.

Vests will be mailed first-in, first-out.  Please know that styles may vary slightly from photo.

5.  Enjoy the adorable that is your doggie in Easter duds. 

I would love to see some photos of your puppies in their finery!!    Please FORWARD your photos with your poopie's name!

Questions may be posted in comments or emailed.

Size XS, fitting necks 7" - 9". 

Choices include (L to R) 

XSArgyle (5 4)                                                 XSGray (5 4)

Size SM, fitting necks 9" - 11 1/2". 

Choices include (C lockwise from top left):

SMjacquard (5 4)     SMnavy (5 3)       SMblack (5)     SMknit (5)

Size MD fitting necks 11 1/2" - 15".

  Choices include (clockwise):

MDbox (1)                 MDstripeR (2)                 MDstripeW (1)

Size MD fitting necks 11 1/2" - 15". 
Choices include (L to R):

MDpolka (2)                    MDbrown (1)

Size LG, fitting necks up to 20".

  Choices include (cloxkwise):

LGstripe (1)     LGjacquard  (1 0)      LGbox (1)      LGwave (2 1)

* Monies contributed to the Jay Barton Memorial Fund will be used solely for post-secondary education for Jay's minor children, Jayson, Jeff, Jack, and Bryanna.  Thank you for helping these kids.

Did you ever.... ?

Did you ever have a time in your life that you pondered just how different your life might have been if you had turned right instead of left?  Took that job instead of staying with this one?  Went to this restaurant instead of the one in the next town? 

Based on any choice we make, the circumstances surrounding that choice are completely different because the world around you is different:  you see different things, you meet different people, you hear different things, and you are involved in different events.   All of these things will influence the rest of your life, they must.

Daydreaming about a different life is fun but I think it is important to remember how much I would have lost out on if I HAD turned right.  My days would certainly be different...  and dreams would be different, too.

I am happy with my life...  or should I say that I am happy with the decisions I have made thus far?Those decisions are what gave me what I know as my family, my skills, my friends, my knowledge, my courage, and to some degree, a suggestive map of my future.   There is no way to know what opportunities or lessons I would have missed had I turned right instead of left.

Daydreaming is nice... but maybe its not too late to turn right.   Of course, turning right now would not be the same as turning right back then.  Maybe right just wasn't "right" for me back then.

I have many miles of road and mile markers of decisions behind me but there is still a lot of road in front of me, too.   What is to the right?  Should I find out?  What will I miss if I go right?  What will I miss if I don't?   And one always wonders about the right turns they miss, don't they?

One wonders how they will know which way to go now?  I believe there are signs.  There are always signs....  road signs, so to speak.    Other people's words and actions give me hints and guidance, there is Karma, and there are feelings.  I must trust my gut feelings to make the right choice.  I must make the choice that is the best for me.... I must choose the road that gets me to where I want to be.

Either way, I know the decisions I make will be the correct ones.  I make will be the ones meant for me at this particular moment in my life.  The choices I make going forward will hold the lessons I still need to learn.  

I am aware there will be lessons to learn no matter what route I take, but this I know:  it won't be boring.  I will arrive at my destination wind-blown, sun burnt, and glowing because the one thing I can control, no matter my choice, is that I enjoy my travels.  I will make sure of that....  and I guess there is always an opportunity for a left a few miles up the road if I find the road to the right a bit too bumpy.  My tushy is too old to travel a bumpy road for long.

When do you file a police report?

We had some family over this last weekend and after they left, I realized that something VERY valuable was missing. 

I knew they had admired it and used it so it wasn't much of a leap to point a finger at them...   but didn't really want to accuse them of theft, just in case I misplaced it.   

I also didn't want to turn it in on insurance but I just KNEW it was gone!

I was JUST ready to file a police report when I received it in the mail from the family, with a note f apology... 

Yes, my red tape dispenser has been returned !!!      WHEW!!! 

Dear DIL:  It could have waited until I saw you next... 
After all, I DO have another red one...

and a stapler to match.

I was recently away from home for a couple weeks for some doctor visits and to see family and friends.  It was a busy two weeks.  I was supposed to be away only one week but found there was just not enough time so I extended it (kudos to Southwest Airlines for fee-free changes).

Moving between various sets of family and friends, I worked on rebuilding a relationship with a high school friend I had lost touch with, attended the AQS quilt show in Des Moines, broke bread many times with different subsets of family and friends, delivered custom dolls clothes, shopped for new space with my BFF and her boyfriend, and spent time working on dresses donated for the Angels.  The time was filled to the brim with laughing, crying, reminiscing, and very special time with the DIL and grands: D and twins M and L. 

I was able to attend three of the grand's football games; L's last game (she ran a touchdown!!) and two for D, including his last game. 

D made a number of fantastic blocks and a very timely sack...  his team was rather amazing...  If I remember correctly, they had one tie and zero losses for the season. 



L's game involved all three kids as M was part of the cheer squad for L's team and D was the waterboy.   I commend mom for teaching the kids the importance of participation and proud of the kids for following through.

The kids shared that their school needed new dodge balls.  We discussed ways to help the school by raising the funds to purchase dodgeballs (can drives, etc)....   I committed to a donation if they reached a certain goal.  I am proudly awaiting their decision on how to go about raising the funds.

During my visit, the kids wanted to watch Titanic.  I was pretty impressed that three kids WANTED to watch it.   We all giggled about how many times Rose said "Jack" and there were guesses thrown around.  I googled it and L guessed it exactly on the nose...  Rose said, yelled, or cried "Jack" 76 times.


They were pretty much transfixed watching Titanic....  at least until dinner was ready. 

While the grands all love animals, including Mom, M is the soft hearted one that wants to adopt or care for every animal that needs love.  Their menagerie currently includes:

Keiki, who probably spends most of her time with L. 

Keiki is shy but like other cats, she watches everything from afar and

she will shower you with love when SHE wants to.

Wrigley is a 5 mo old Vizsla mix. 

I think the best way to describe him is that he is rather like a new born deer trying to stand up on ice. 

Wrigley is THE most lovable, cuddly, Velcro-like animal I have ever met.

Hunter is a loveable and very social male.

He seems to have a facial comment for everything that goes on in the house. 

His favorite place to be is drinking from a dripping faucet or with his momma, the DIL.

They are considering adding a German Shepherd or GS mix to the family when the time is right.  They may need more vacuum cleaners....

As for the Angelbabies, I brought back two suitcases full of donated dresses (wedding dresses can take up a lot of space) (kudos once again to Southwest Airlines) and friend KS is bringing MORE dresses to me in November.  We are still working through all the dresses donated as a result of the KCCI-TV report on us and word of mouth and still trying to catch up.

I was only able to see my son for a couple minutes at a time but that was all the situation allowed.  It was a wonderful time with family and friends and especially the grands.  While my time away was loaded with emotions, some bad, there were, oh, so many good ones.  I  kept my promises and showered everyone with all the love I had. 

I continue to be blessed.

I try not to talk too much about my wonderful grandkids....  but sometimes, I just can't help it.

Earlier in the year, my mom was visiting and we ran down south to spend a day with my grands.

We were snooping around in G's room (the oldest female) and found the most interesting items.   We hadn't yet gotten caught so I photographed some of what we found... many of them with a pen or pencil for scale.

A bowl of cereal and a box of donuts

Three little chickens hatching from their eggs.

Bowl of pasta and two tomatoes.

Pastries and an ice cream cone.

We were so intrigued that we went and found my DIL to discuss the "amazing" that was G.  She  brought out a few more items....

A house full of furniture and some assorted items. 

Note the claw footed bathtub with faucet.

So we went in search of the amazing G herself.   We asked lots of questions about her craft and how she does it.   After much conversation, G's gramma and great gramma talked her into making something special for us so we could watch.  Of course, G acquiesced.

The artist known as "G".

I was gifted a tiny rose, held by the smallest size binder clip.

Great Gramma requested a pair of flip flops.

G is pretty cool, huh?  We are just pretty proud of her!

I cruised through this quilt

Aside from a lap quilt here and there, I haven't kept any quilts for OUR bed...  or even our guest beds.  

I was completely thrilled and felt honored when I was asked to join a group of friends on a quilting cruise around the Caribbean last year.  I had never been on a cruise, let alone a QUILTING cruise and I was so excited!

The photo to the left shows our group and the three instructors. 

The next photo shows our ship on the right and our sister ship on the left docked in Jamaica.

I started three quilt tops on the cruise from Civil War fabric kits that I had purchased.  I had brought extra fabric on the cruised because I wanted to make each of the quilt tops larger so that they are more useful for my TALL family.  Whether they would get them or not was, as yet, undetermined but at least I would have options.

One quilt top in particular was close to finished by the end of the cruise so I decided to finish it first.  It was not my favorite of the three but one finished is better than three unfinished.

As I was working away on sashing and borders, the hubs noticed the fabrics and pattern, indicating that he really liked the quilt!

hmmmm, our anniversary was drawing near.....  I smelled an idea.......!!!

So I measured and calculated the sashing and borders for my husband's anniversary quilt.   I was determined to make the quilt big enough to cover our bed down to the side rails.

I had purchased a "new" 15' table and Gammill with a Statler stitch so I had a big enough table to quilt this monster quilt.   My old 10' table went to a new home (but only because I didn't have room for both).

After some practice on the new machine, I felt confident enough to quilt hubby's quilt.  I had no illusions of producing a ribbon worthy quilt but I felt ready to produce something of some level of quality.

I made the bed an odd way so that all of the pattern showed better.....
and it goes all the way down to cover blankets, mattress, foundation and all that other ugly stuff!

We are both pretty happy with the results.....  him with a quilt, and me with the quilting.

I hope you cuddle under a quilt full of love tonight!!!

belated, but so very loved

For a myriad of reasons (and/or excuses), I have been very late getting these quilts to the owners for which they were specifically made.

Life and other things affected my ability to work on them and I had needed to put them away for a while.   There was some personal pain that had ended up connected to these quilts and I had to work through some of it.

Not so long ago, I decided it was time to get them out and finished.

The pattern is Bonnie Hunter's 2014 Mystery Quilt, Celtic Solstice.

From the very beginning, I had planned to make a few extra blocks and make 2 nearly identical quilts. 

I chose to use a pink border and binding on one and purple on the other as the twins I was making them for were designated  as "pink" and "purple" pretty much at birth.

I used the same backing fabric on both quilts but used different quilting on them.  The pink bordered quilt was graced with bumblebees and foliage and the purple quilt shows large flowers and foliage.

Each quilt is adorned with a hand embroidered label.  The labels are different, yet still similar, as would be appropriate for twins.

To the adorable recipients:  The tardiness of your quilts has no bearing on my feelings for you.  I love you more than you can possible know.  May they wrap you in love and warmth forever and may you think of me.

Ta Da!!  Last but NOT least...  Quilt # 5 finished in April 2016....  this one had to wait until it was gifted before I could share it.  This one is for the soon-to-arrive baby of an adored cousin.

Mommy-to-be requested woodland animals....  but didn't give me much more information.  I guess she trusted me....

I found a fabric line I really liked and sent a hint of the fabrics (didn't want to give too much away) to the "parents" just to make sure I was on the right track.  I received encouraging feedback but no confirmation that the colors were correct.  Again, I guess she trusted me..... 

I decided that a bow tie pattern would allow the muted colors to show well.

The layout game:  positioning the blocks in a.....  well, somewhat-sort-of kinda-organized manner!

When I received the invitation to the baby shower, I was pretty sure I had the colors right and was pretty excited about the whole thing.

With it quilted in baby animals in a cream color, I decided the fabric, the bow tie pattern, and the crib size measurements would make a perfect "little man" quilt for the precious baby they will raise into a "big man".  

And, of course, I included a hand embroidered label....

Dear A and B: 

Enjoy the screaming bundle of joy that will bring you soggy nappies, sweet baby breath, late night feedings, soft sighs, earaches, cuddles, sleepless days, peanut butter and jelly kisses, frogs and rocks in the pant pocket, that soft place to nuzzle just below their ear, gum in the hair, crushed dandelion bouquets, temper tantrums, and handmade cards reading things like "I love you like candy". 

Enjoy EVERY SINGLE MOMENT!!
Love, Jacki

Memories.... and acceptance

I received a message from a niece long ago... and just rediscovered it in my "drafts" folder.  Better to post late than never, right? 

"Aunt Jacki.... I still have the blankets you crocheted for me when I was a baby. There are 2 of them and now my daughter uses them. It's crazy that a 30 year old blanket is still getting used."

Sometimes at estate, tag, or garage sales, I see blankets or quilts that have made and given with love but have outlived their old lives and are looking for new lives...  I rescue them and find someone to love them in their new life.

Thank you for sharing, dear niece.  It touches my heart that something I made is still giving, and receiving, love. 

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!!

Quilt #3 for April

for my mom.....  


FYI:  the little cuties on the label are wearing flip flops because my mom is the flip flop queen!

It was a joint venture:  She knew exactly what she wanted...  I had made a similar quilt for a niece a couple years ago and she wanted one too. 

Mom ever so carefully picked the fabrics and as I pieced the hearts, she pressed, and then pulled the foundation paper off the back of the hearts as they were finished.

While she waited on me, she hand sewed the bindings on above quilts #2, 3, and 4.

We are both thrilled with her quilt, I am blessed to have this time with her, I deeply appreciate her help with these quilts, and I wish her a very happy Mother's Day.

oh, and mom, there is a quilt #5 if you have time before you go home.....   Just stayin'....

April's finished quilts #1 and #2

Gramma finally got the AZ twins (as I call them) a quilt.  Yes, very late.  Yes, I am ashamed.

The darling Grandson's quilt has been a long time coming but I think I hit the nail on the head and made up the perfect quilt for this rough and tumble boy.... 

I pieced it with shirting flannel and quilted with "dad's tools", including drills, hammers, saws, and nails.

This kid is happy with a hammer, a board, a bunch of nails, and a couple hours so maybe he will dream up his next project under this quilt!

(and yes, a lesson was learned about quilting over hand embroidered label with colored thread...)

And since twins happen to come in pairs, his twin received a quilt too!  

The darling Granddaughter has been so patient waiting for her quilt... She had already picked out the quilt she wants when she gets married, even though I won't hold her to it.

This one remained a surprise as she wasn't sure what she was going to get until she pulled it out of the bag. 

I must have chosen correctly as she loved it.  She immediately rolled up into her quilt even though its summer in Arizona.

I am so proud of these two kids and Gramma went home very, very happy!

You just never know what you will find at my brother's house.... Part 2

I am back in Denver for a short visit and thought I would share a couple more fun things I found around my brother's house.   He is an eclectic collector but not necessarily loyal, so the collections change all the time.

This time, I will share a collection of interesting salt and pepper shakers...  there is a Dalmatian and fire plug set that I would like to talk him out of.

I love these old skates.  My mom didn't use skates like these so I'm not really sure how old they are, but still...  they are in the LOVE category for me.

This one...  well, it kinda reminds me of a guy I knew in high school...  I think its the sideburns :). 

Lo and behold, my brother adopted an adorable kitty, Luna.  She is sweet tempered, playful, and so little!

But my favorite....   is this 1959 Ford Fairlane Galaxie 500.  I swear I thought Farelanes and Galaxies were separate models but apparently not always.  Best of all, it has a red interior.

It needs a little love but seriously....  It could go home with me too!