Monday, September 8, 2014

Tooooo funny

I "borrowed" this from 

Every Comment on Every Quilt Blog EVER

I was inspired by The Toast’s post on recipe blogs and my own experience. You’re welcome, CoralQuilts!
  1. Did you make that yourself?
  2. Is that modern?
  3. I don’t want to spend the money on the book you used for the pattern. Could you write up a tutorial on that?
  4. OMG how do you finish so many quilts? I never have time to sew, so I’m curious how other people get so much done.
  5. Didn’t (famous quilt blogger) already make this?
  6. Would you sell that to me? I can PayPal you $50! (ed. note: obviously from a non-quilter!)
  7. I tried this pattern, but all my blocks came out to 11 7/8″ instead of 12 1/2″, except for the one I did on my mom’s machine which came out to 13″, so I think the pattern is wrong.
  8. Did you label it?
  9. I’ve never heard of a half-square triangle. Did you invent that?
  10. I just started a fabric diet, so I’m hoping you can tell me how to make it this bed quilt with 3 fat quarters and half a jelly roll. Do I really need the background fabric?
  11. I only work in orange.  Could you re-write the pattern and tell me what Kona colors I should buy?
  12. I made this pattern, too, but swapped out the values and made my stars wonky and eliminated the sashing and used burlap for the binding.  The quilt isn’t very attractive, so I don’t recommend the pattern.
  13. Could you show me a picture of your cut pieces? I’m not sure I got the count right.
  14. What does the back look like? I made the top, but the pattern didn’t include instructions for the back and I’m out of fabric, so I guess I can’t finish the quilt.
  15. I only use 110% organic certified batting made from the dreams of baby llamas.  There’s only 1 yard produced per year, so I don’t think I can make this quilt.
  16. Did you press your seams open? I think if you press the seams open, it releases the quilt chakras too quickly and it disintegrates within 3 washings.
  17. I can’t believe you pressed your seams to one side. That totally creates bumps and disrupts the quilt chakras.
  18. I hope you pre-washed your fabric.  The sizing causes cancer.
  19. Where do you buy your fabric? You must be rich to have such a fabric museum in your house!
  20. I ran out of background fabric partway through so I substituted another fabric and my quilt looks a little jacked up. What would you recommend?
  21. Could you post instructions for making this a crib quilt?
  22. Could you post instructions for making this a lap quilt?
  23. Could you post instructions for making this a twin quilt?
  24. Could you post instructions for making this a full-sized bed quilt?
  25. Could you post instructions for making this a queen-sized bed quilt?
  26. Could you post instructions for making this a king-sized bed quilt?
  27. Could you tell me how you basted it? I tried using Nice McQuilter’s method, but instead of 1″x3″ boards, I had to use twigs I found in my yard.  I also didn’t have basting thread so I used some twine from the kitchen we use at Thanksgiving to truss the turkey. I wouldn’t recommend that basting method.
  28. How long did it take you to make it? Three days?
  29. Spray basting causes cancer and shreds the hopes of small children.
  30. I had a bad experience on a road trip through Ohio, so I can’t make any Ohio stars for any quilts. I wouldn’t recommend this pattern.
  31. Oh, it’s too bad your fabric isn’t the same as the picture in the pattern. I guess you could donate it to charity.
  32. The pattern says the border needs to be 64″ long, but I don’t have a ruler that measures 64″ so I couldn’t finish the quilt.  Where did you find a 64″ ruler?
  33. I tried to cut the pieces for this pattern, but my rotary cutter kept leaving little bits of fabric connected when I cut them. I don’t think this pattern is very good.
  34. I only had a size 70 needle to quilt this and my machine kept skipping stitches. The pattern writer should have told us this would happen.
  35. Could you make me one?

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